Juggling competing demands and expectations we place on ourselves, or that others place on us, is a natural part of the stress of life. But if it gets overwhelming it becomes a threat to our wellbeing. As leaders it is especially important to exercise self-care across different aspscts of our lives – for the sake of our own sustainability and to bring the best of our selves to our teams.
If wellbeing is about our capacity to realise our abilities, cope with stresses, contribute to work and community, and balance our lives; and if resilience is our capacity to maintain and return to wellbeing after challenges and adversity, then we all need attention to that which restores us.
There are times we all need a mental reset after busy and demanding periods or projects. When my partner Jenni and I realised this we signed up for an Open Arms day seminar on Relaxation and Stress Management.
We always have said relaxation and being present to the moment is important. We are committed to those ideas philosophically. But we (or at least I to be honest) have not always been consistent in healthy patterns of self-care with doses of relaxation and mindfulness.
So we set aside the day eager for resources and practice to look after this aspect of our mental health. As a self-confessed recovering workaholic, and as someone who spends a lot of time planning for future projects, I realise this is a growing edge for me. We were also eager to learn tools and practices that may help others.
Mindfulness as a practice to de-stress invites us to shift away from being preoccupied with what might happen in the future, or dwelling on what happened in the past, and instead be conscious and attentive to what is happening here and now.
My favourite story of the day underlined this life-giving invitation. The story is a fable from the Orient about a Samurai warrior running from a bear. He literally ran off a cliff and in a Tom Cruise-worthy scene as he fell he managed to grab a branch with his outstretched hand.
From there the scene turns from Tom Cruise-like to more like Rowan Atkinson-imagery as the samurai looks up to see the bear leaning down over the cliff, clawing towards his head and scattering pebbles around him. As he looks at the ground below for a possible escape route he sees a lion who has apparently noticed his predicament and came over to leap up towards him in the hope of an early Samurai lunch. Then he looks at the branch he clutched, and sees two moles biting away at it. He watches this scene as his lifeline disappears, chewed away bite by bite.
He takes a long deep breath of realisation and then notices, next to the branch, a clump of wild strawberries. In amongst that clump is the most magnificent strawberry he had ever seen. So with his remaining free hand, he reaches over, plucks that strawberry, places it in his mouth, savours its moisture and taste, chews it slowly, and mutters, “Ahh – d-e-l-i-c-i-o-u-s.”
The moral to this ancient fable: “Do not be fearful of the bears of the past or the lions of the future or even the moles of the present – but enjoy the strawberries of the moment.”
I wonder whether that story resonates at all for you, as it does for me?
It can be natural to be preoccupied with the “bears” of our past. We think if only we had made that decision differently, or if only that person had treated us better or understood us clearer, or if only that opportunity had stayed open, or if only that incident had not happened to us, if only we had spoken up , or kept quiet, or if only we had done more, or less, or different. This triggers associated discontent and misgivings, frustrations and anxieties about the past.
It can also be too easy to default to live with the “lions” the future. We might think about where we want to be for our next posting, or where we dream to be one day as a career highlight, or what we will do after Defence
Thinking about the past and future is more than enough to get us thinking about our frustrations, and trigger negative-feeling responses such as anger, depression and anxiety.
It is natural also to be worried about the moles of the present – tearing away what we are trying to hang on to and achieve. When surrounded by frustrating circumstances or misunderstanding people, we can get on this anxious treadmill of mentally rehearsing what we might say to “that person”, usually to self-justify ourselves.
When times are tough, or when things do not happen as we had hoped, the Open Arms workshop reminded me of skills to prioritise looking after myself with the best of self-care. This means looking out for how I can enjoy the taste of strawberry – or the relaxation of that sunset – or the recreation of that sport achievement or hobby enjoyment – or the refreshing laughter of a child – or the satisfaction of a job done well.
This posture of mindfulness and gratitude is consistent with what I have learned from healthy faith and spiorituality. It reminds me of the Apotle Paul’s encouragemen to “Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens. This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”(1 Thessalonians 5:16-18, The Message) For me as a Christian, mindfulness sits comfortably with prayers of gratitude and trust. I am curious about how mindfulness practices sit with, or draw on, resources and experiences of people of other faiths or life perspectives.
I am encouraging myself, and encourage colleagues, to savour the present moment. It is a gift to be able to live to the full in today’s opportunities. I want to travel on this mindfulness journey of leaving the bears of the past and the lions of the future to their own devices, and not be preoccupied with the challenging moles of today. We will be at our best for wellbeing and resilience when we can embody gratitude for where we are today, and live life to the fullest in the days and moments where we find our selves.
The Open Arms “Relaxation and stress management” workshop is easy to recommend as a terrific life-giving retreat day to learn and practice ways to foster this mindfulness journey.
Other 1-5 day workshops and programs on relationships, transition, sleep, trauma, anxiety, depression, anger and pain are available at a variety of locations throughout the year. Open Arms offers tehse courses and confidential counselling free for Defence members, veterans and their dependents. For more information call 1800 011 046 or visit the Open Arms website.
About the Reviewer
Darren Cronshaw is a Chaplain who has served at Army School of Transport, Puckapunyal, 1st Recruit Training Battalion, Kapooka and Defence Force School of Signals. He is also Professor of Practical and Intercultural Theology with the Australian College of Ministries (Sydney College of Divinity). His hobby is pushing the boundaries of resilience in Ironman triathlons.