I know that look. I see myself in her eyes. I know that woman intimately. It’s a portrait of me – a portrait of you – a portrait of us – the mothers that serve.
On the 22nd of June 2022, Anneke Jamieson (nee Kerklaan) won the 2022 Napier Waller Art Prize for her portrait titled ‘The Promotion’. This powerful artwork shows an Australian Army Officer breastfeeding her baby at one breast with three lines of military medals pinned to her uniform above the other. Her service medals and military insignia positioned on the side closest to her heart, with her most treasured love laying in her arms on the other. An asymmetrical image depicting the natural friction between the role of mother and that of military service.
According to Anneke: ‘She is the woman who’s career came first. She has dedicated herself to her soldiers and her service and achieved so much. Yet now, as a new mother, she has returned from maternity leave changed in ways she never imagined: this promotion might be her greatest challenge yet’.
News of ‘The Promotion’ winning this coveted art prize has spread like wild-fire. The fictional woman in the portrait has been acclaimed by many service women as a portrait of them.
She is a woman mistaken as a careerist who suffered through infertility only to be finally blessed with a baby. She is a woman who decides she is not a full-time stay-at-home mum, but daycare drop off rips her heart in two every single day. They are a non-binary mum who has fought for all that they have and will fight this battle with honour too. She is torn; her maternity leave disappeared before her eyes and she has returned to a demanding new role. She is a veteran who holds battle scars in her heart whose new-mother hormones ambushed her and flung her into an episode of depression. She is an Army Officer who wasn’t ready to fall pregnant, but adores her baby while mourning the life she envisioned. She is a high performing officer who turned down unit command so she could give herself permission to have another baby – she didn’t want to do both. She is a woman who wants to keep serving but needs more flexibility and support than the military has been able to offer. She is the divorcee/single mum who consistently sacrifices elements of her professional career to meet the needs of her children. She is an extremely resilient servicewoman whose mental health faltered when she discovered she couldn’t breastfeed.
– and she is so much more – she is us – the mothers that serve.
‘The Promotion’ mirrors the traditional Australian military portrait: a plain grey backdrop with an Australian flag framing an impeccably dressed military member looking straight into the camera – their eyes directly engaging you with the intensity and focus of service.
While she is professionally seated for her portrait, her attention has been drawn elsewhere, pulled away from her baby and even away from the camera – her eyes tell our story…
We are torn. The love we have for our children is a love we were blind to before we were promoted to the role of mother, but service runs deep in our veins. We find it difficult to make peace with the service women we want to be, and the mothers we are. Roles that both have a foothold in our hearts.
I look into her eyes and reflect on part of my own story…
Like Anneke, I (Annie) have had incredible support from my husband and Army but it hasn’t changed my capacity to give of myself, and I battle daily to decipher where best to spend my limited resources of time and energy. I grew up feeling certain of two things – I was born to be a mum and I was going to serve my country as an Army Officer. I waited years for my first precious bundle of life to be born, but his arrival cut one of my career highlights (sub-unit command) short by five months. After his birth, I was not in a rush to return to the Army and did not hesitate for one moment to take my full entitlement of leave. My second was born three months before the end of the Australian Command and Staff Course… another inconveniently timed baby. But with a network of support around me, I graduated with my cohort, babe in arms (and breastfed her, dressed in service dress, in the storeroom at different intervals during the graduation ceremony).
Then – I made what felt like the most natural decision of my career. Having been promoted to mother of two, I decided to delay my presentation to my next Army promotion board by two whole years. But Annie you can have both, it’s unnecessary, you’re a shoe-in, don’t delay your career. The contention felt by others (all men) surprised me. Yes, I suppose I could have both, but it would come at a cost I was unwilling to pay. After 18 years of service, I knew my capacity well enough to know that I couldn’t be the mother I needed to be and meet my own expectations and requirements of the next rank. Following my gut-feel and ‘delaying my career’ (though I don’t actually agree with this turn of phrase) was one of the best decisions I’ve made. It afforded me space to wrestle with the challenge and fight to reconcile the tension.
She makes me feel understood. She reminds me I’m not alone. She comforts me – there’s nothing easy about being a mother who serves – but I’ll be ok.
And me?
I, (Lyndsay) continue to struggle with this challenge: I have not made peace with the activist and change-maker I feel I am in my soul. My own mother will attest to the fact that I was born with the weight of the world on my shoulders. I struggle to walk past injustice without trying to address it. But I quickly realised this was not a sustainable way to navigate the world as a mother.
I was excited to go back to work when my first baby was 7 months old. A new and challenging role supporting the acquisition of the ADF’s new fleet of vehicles in a small, under-staffed, and overworked team in Army Headquarters. But once I started work, my once-angelic baby started only sleeping for 40 minute blocks, and I was edging towards a breakdown.
At some point, my friend Lauren called and asked me if I was okay. My stoic self answered “Of course!”. She asked again, “Lynds, it’s me you’re talking to now. Are you really okay?” Breaking down in tears, my voice unintelligible through the sobbing – “I can’t do it. I can’t do it”.
And I was right. I wasn’t able to work like I did before becoming a mother. A lot has happened since that phone call: another beautiful baby, a Masters degree, a few burnouts of varying intensity, co-founding new initiatives, an unexpected divorce from a man I thought I would spend my entire life with, a deployment with the United Nations. She has reminded me that now is the time to remove the weight of the world from my shoulders and be the mother that my two incredible kids deserve, and the Officer who gets her priorities right: an exemplar of ‘doing it all’ within the bounds of your mental health.
Anneka – the mothers that serve are indebted to you. Thank you for dedicating this portrait to us. For portraying the conflict that runs deep in our hearts. For expressing that there is a tension that exists between our two worlds. For illustrating that the sacrifices of service and of motherhood are embodied by the mothers who serve both their nation and their families. And for reassuring us that we are not alone; that we are understood and valued. We know we are blessed to have our children, for we know she also represents the dreams of many who remain childless.
I see myself in her eyes.
About the artist
Mrs Anneke Jamieson is a mother of three, ‘Army-wife’, and a retired Major of the Australian Army who took inspiration from her own experiences and the experiences of others around her when painting ‘The Promotion’.
As the winning piece of art, ‘The Promotion’ will be added to the Australian War Memorial’s National Collection. An exhibition featuring the 14 highly commended works from the Napier Waller Art Prize competition is being held at the Australian Parliament House until 20 November 2022.
The Napier Waller Art Prize is sponsored by The Hospital Research Foundation Group, Australian Government Department of Veterans’ Affairs, Thales Australia, and is supported by the University of Canberra.
About the authors
Annie North holds a Christian world view, is a mother of two, ‘Army-wife’, and current serving member of the Australian Army. She hopes that by sharing this magnificent piece of art with a wider audience it will enable other mothers who serve (and their families) to celebrate their service accomplishments with the acknowledgement of their sacrifices and their conflicted hearts.
Lyndsay Freeman is a mother of two and a Transport Officer in the Australian Army. She was the Chief of Army Scholar in 2020, where she completed research on gender, peace and security. Lyndsay co-founded Propel Her – Defence Women’s Leadership Series in 2020 with Shamsa Lea. She is currently serving as a United Nations Military Observer in the United Nations Truce Supervision Organization in Jerusalem. You can follow her on Twitter: @LyndsayFreeman8 or LinkedIn.