“What were you like when you were my age Auntie Leigh?“
I love my nieces. With them, I get to play the very best games, and get to listen to the very best stories. The depth of their imagination and creative thinking absolutely floors me every time. At 3 and 8 years old respectively, they are spunky, driven little ladies who will take on the world one day and I’m excited to see it!
Recently, they came to visit me for the summer holidays. In between adventures to Kmart (don’t judge… you love it too), park adventures and trips to the library, I got to play best aunt, secret keeper, magic-maker and toy-master.
As is often the case, I also had to assume to the role of mediator and peacekeeper. Theoretically, I should be well equipped for this, as my last 3 years in Defence have seen me assume that role 100 times over in my day-to-day. However, I challenge even the most accomplished negotiator to take on these two when they are having a World-War-Three-level showdown. No amount of conflict resolution workshops can prepare you for these two little ladies in full flight.
During one of my attempts at negotiation, I had sat the eldest down and was trying to explain ‘strategic withdrawal’. Specifically, why sometimes ‘conceding defeat’ to her younger sister can actually be the best way to win the ‘long-term campaign’.
“You don’t need to win all the time,” I told her. “Why not?” she asked, “didn’t you always want to win when you were my age?”.
I guess that’s true. I did always want to win.
When did that stop? What did I want to be when I was her age?
My younger sister would be the first to have described me exactly as I see my nieces: fiery, ambitious, competitive… Here was her daughter, holding a mirror up to me and my younger self.
Children are mirrors; they will always show you exactly what is going on inside of you
Vimala McClure
So what has changed?
It’s not that I am no longer ambitious. I have big dreams and goals that I am working towards.
Rather, it’s that I don’t believe in winning at all cost. Time, growth and mentoring have taught me some valuable lessons.
In sharing lessons with my niece, I realised my younger self could have benefited from the same advice.
Lesson One: You Do Not Need To Win Everything All The Time.
To put it a different way; Is the ‘ground you have seized really worth holding’, or will it cost you more in the long run? You are not Machiavelli – the ends do not always justify the means.
There is strength in knowing when to back down, when to conserve your energy, and when to apologise. There is also a difference between “I am sorry” and “I apologise”.
Lesson Two: Sharing Creates Community and Empowers People.
You do not need to be ‘the one who knows everything’. You will get so much joy and satisfaction from investing in those around you. Sharing resources, experiences and information can help empower those around you. By helping people grow, you can help a community blossom.
Lesson Three: You Are Enough.
Imposter syndrome is hard…but you are enough. You are worthy of the positions you have been posted to, and the milestones you have achieved.
It’s ok to be humble, but don’t devalue yourself in the process.
It’s ok to be ambitious, motivated and driven. It’s ok to be you.
Lesson Four: Take The Mentoring.
There is so much potential for growth with a fantastic mentor! Pick one that you mesh with. Be mindful of unsolicited advice, and run it through a filter before adopting it as gospel.
Lesson Five: Don’t Be In A Hurry To Grow Up.
We will always want more – and that’s ok! Don’t be in a hurry to grow up (or get the next big thing) because you might accidentally miss the best parts of the journey. Remain curious. Keep finding the joy and magic in the small things.
Much like my niece, I’m not certain I would have truly listened to my advice at the time I needed it most. Every now and again it is worth holding the ‘metaphorical mirror’ up to yourself and remembering the lessons you have learnt along the way.
A post script.
In case you are wondering if I have a lesson around conflict resolution for strong little ladies, I do!
Lesson Six: Never Underestimate The Power of Ice-cream.
After many tears (and some apologies heavily influenced by promises of fairy-bread Topolino Gelato), a truce was declared and the Kmart adventures continued. We even made it to Bunnings in time for a sausage!